dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
