If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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