covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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