The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
