So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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