...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
