Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
