Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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