Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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