I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
