Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
