Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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