he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize