i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
