No awkward lesbian experiences without me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
