one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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