She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
