Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
