i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
