I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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