So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
