so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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