Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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