This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
