My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
