I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I will pee on everything he values.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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