I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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