how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
