I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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