it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize