I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
