The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
