the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
