His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
