he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
