I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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