I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
