I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
