i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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