Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize