Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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