I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
