So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
