M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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