I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How does one acquire holy water?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
