I just pynch a tree in the face
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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