please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
