I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
