mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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