my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
