are you still at the devil's house?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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