Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
