Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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