I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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