you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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