Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
