How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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