All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
