I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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