i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
