she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
