I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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