Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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