Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
