I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
