she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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