I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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