Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
