and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize