i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
