I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
