so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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