I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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