so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
