and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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