I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
