Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
