i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
