i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize