So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
