I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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