I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
