five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
