just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
