I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What a dumb baby whore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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