We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
