so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
