Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
