i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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