wrigley field is MILF paradise
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
