Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
