im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Terrible idea I love it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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