It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
