its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
