I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
not ubering you a puppy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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